


Dearly Devoted

by EriiErii



Series: Kiransona Collection [6]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dark Past, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Original Character(s), Past Character Death, Polyamory, Self-Insert, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22731313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EriiErii/pseuds/EriiErii
Summary: As the Day of Devotion arrives, there is a sentimental feel that the entire festival inspired. Through many highs and lows that brought them all together, the group couldn't help but reminisce over thoughts of how far their relationships came.
Relationships: Camilla/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Hríd/Camilla, Hríd/Líf/Camilla/Ryoma/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Hríd/Ryoma, Hríd/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Líf/Camilla, Líf/Hrid, Líf/Ryoma, Líf/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Ryoma/Camilla, Ryoma/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran
Series: Kiransona Collection [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652392
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7





	Dearly Devoted

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! For post updates, questions, art and general random silliness in between, check me out at eriisaam.tumblr.com for more!

Lif adjusted the suit he wore to smooth out the shiny fabric. Even before being a cohort of the dead, he still still felt off about dressing up for festivities, and thought little of them beyond Sharena's urgings to join her. Now? He had even more mixed feelings, especially when he had hardly considered the thought he would dress up like this again.

On one hand, even as things changed in his life, little things like this world's Sharena's urgings to get into the spirit of the festivities still remained the same. 

"Come on, Lif! It could be really good for you~! And it would be nice to see how my older brother looks compared to my slightly-older brother, heehee~" That was one of her bigger pushes on the subject, but then she followed it up with an amused "And it would make your lovers happy~"

Ah, right… Even when it's been a while, he still was rather clumsy to share in this Sharena's optimism. His own Sharena was like wishful thinking at this point. Regardless of his own feelings, Sharena took to adopting him as the eldest brother of the Askran royals, and she refused to debate further of it. She had her mind set, and that was that. When Henriette found out about him, the sentiment was much of the same thoughts with her as well. He was her eldest son from now on, and she refused to hear a word of the contrary.

The more things changed, the more things stayed the same...

"Oh Ryoma… You look so tense! Surely you're not having second thoughts…?"

"Ah, no. It isn't quite that. It just takes getting used to this style of dress."

"Haha~ So now you know how I feel with Hoshidan's style back during the New Year… Although to Hoshido's credit, I suppose it isn't _quite_ so restricting like Nohrian fashion…"

"But a promise is a promise. I'd be hypocritical not to wear this when you have, Camilla… It simply takes time getting used to, that's all."

And then Sharena had a point about his lovers.

When he felt he did enough to fuss over his suit to look presentable, he made his way to the other room nearby his own. He followed the source to Ryoma's and Camilla's voices, and he peeked in just in time to see Camilla still fussing over Ryoma's clothes. He had his hair tied back into a ponytail, but hardly tamed the wild fluff any further beyond that, and it trailed down his back. Where Lif wore clothes closer to the style of Askran royalty, it was easy to think Ryoma simply borrowed Xander's more casual clothes, were it not for the obvious care of the tailors in regards to his measurements. Both of them immediately noticed Lif, but while Camilla paid little mind of him, the normally serious samurai had a look to Lif as if quietly (but playfully) begging him to rescue him. (Which he did not.)

"Hmhmhm… Look at Lif, dear. He is a far better sport of it, it seems~" The look didn't go past Camilla's notice, but she was also not above teasing them. She eventually finished her fussing and turned Ryoma loose, but gave Lif a fond look as she gave his outfit a quick glance-over likewise.

"Cam, please…" But Ryoma knew she had a point, and his voice teased her in pretending to be more hurt than he was of it. His heart wasn't in arguing with her, but rather, checking over Lif.

"You both look nice. I'd say you are rather dashing even."

" _Hah._ Siding with her, are you? I'd like to see how all of you look in yukatas in the summer by comparison."

"Sounds like a plan, darling…" And one Camilla seemed genuinely intrigued for. "So the two of you seem ready, but we seem to be missing two of our own still…"

Before Lif could speak, the three of them immediately shifted focus at the doorway. What drew their attention first was the loud screech of a chair roughly dragged and then dropped further down the hall. What kept their attention at the door was a distant "Ow! Shit! Sorry!" that followed.

The three of them immediately recognized it was the summoner. 

"Sorry I'm late!" Right on cue, she revealed herself moments after as she rushed to the doorway only to try to straighten out her clothes. 

Before her, Camilla wore a style of dress that was more in a similar spirit to Lyn's, particularly with how similar formal Nohrian styles overlapped with Elibe's. It was a style of dress Ryoma was already accustomed to back when the idea was still new for the two of them to court one another while Hoshido’s and Nohr’s truce were still so young, and Ryoma’s heart was still so raw and wounded losing Erin once before. Even so, it amused her deep down at Lif’s surprise, or how quickly Erin brightened likewise.

By contrast, Erin's choice of clothes were more reminiscent of Tellian styles with Askran colors. She _tried_ to dress in a similar manner as Titania: A dress bound from the waist up while left open and trailing downwards. However, she overdressed with clear evidence of so many underclothes that the 'dress' looked more like a trenchcoat instead, especially with Camilla next to her to compare.

At least Erin didn't hide herself under her summoner's hood instead…

"Hmhm~ On the contrary, you're right on time, dear…" And despite Erin's clear evidence she rushed to get here, she was fairly put together except in regards to doing more with her hair beyond her typical ponytail. Then again, Camilla was hardly one to talk herself when her own hair was still down right then.

"So, it seems we're still missing someone. Has anyone seen Hrid?" Ryoma didn't quite start worrying just yet, but left Erin to Camilla's whims as he moved closer to Lif. As Lif was left looking like he was briefly lost in deep thought, he perked up when Ryoma took his hand in his own as he snapped back into attention.

He saw the way Lif seemed so lost of how to feel or what to think. It was like he _wanted_ to be happier of this, but a part of him looked almost afraid to open up as readily again of such feelings.

Quietly, Ryoma led him closer to him. They were tiny gestures, but Lif caught on well enough how much Ryoma tried his best to soothe him without smothering him too much, too quick.

It was so much like how it used to be… before Erin, let alone Camilla or Hrid. Was all of this still ok? Even then, Lif still wasn't sure.

"Ah, there you all are! My apologies, I'm afraid I got a bit lost on my way to get here."

Immediately, Lif's train of thought snapped once more. It didn't take long for everyone's focus to all drift toward Hrid. It took a second for some of that focus to drift lower down to his very prominent chest.

He wore clothes that almost mirrored the more commonplace style of Judgral fashion. With his palette choice, he especially held a resemblance to Sigurd in some respects. However, while his outer clothes opened with a generous window to his chest - and it seemed painfully obvious he was meant to wear another shirt underneath - Hrid seemed to have neglected it completely, leaving quite the glimpse of cleavage.

The corner of Ryoma's mouth twitched, in spite of his efforts to remain neutral of it. As much as Lif stared awkwardly, Camilla and Erin were much less successful to hide back their suddenly-brighter smiles, and Camilla dropped the black strands of Erin's hair in the process of turning her ponytail into a braided bun.

"...Does this not suit me?" Their reactions hardly inspired much confidence, but almost immediately, everyone else varied between trying to regain their composure or to try to bolster Hrid's confidence. It didn't take long for the general consensus to be fairly surprised, yet positive of his looks.

"No! No, it's not like that, it suits you! I mean, if Hector could pull off something similar, well…" It was certainly very much like _Hrid_ , but Erin fumbled a little to try not to put it in those exact words.

"It's certainly quite a bold choice, but not an unwelcome one.” By comparison, Camilla was much better composed, if also hinting her amusement in her voice. At least Erin’s and Camilla’s reactions were much more forthcoming compared to how Ryoma and Lif refused to comment on it all.

“I see…” He wasn’t quite so convinced at first, but he trusted Erin and Camilla enough to take in their words to give in otherwise. “If that is truly how the two of you feel, I will heed your words, then.”

And he didn’t question it further. Even as Camilla gently took Erin with her off to the side, it was only for a moment, and long enough for the two to help each other with their hair. By the time they resurfaced, Erin had helped Camilla tie her hair up, mostly as a bun yet with a slight ponytail, while Camilla tied hers in a more definite bun, topped with a hairpin whose prominent flower decoration was the same magenta tone as Erin’s bangs. It was already a minor wait that the boys didn’t mind anyways, but even that brief moment was more than worth it.

With everyone dressed to impress, in some form or fashion, the party were finally ready to head on to the festival plaza together. It didn't take long for them to move in an all too familiar formation between Hrid taking the lead in his urge to protect the party, to Ryoma remaining at the very tail end for much of the same reasons.

Their fears may have been overblown, but it didn't hurt to still be sure.

* * *

"Darling, do you have a holiday like Day of Devotion in your world?"

In the festival proper, Erin couldn't help but compare it to a renaissance fair than a Valentine’s Day festival, but she wasn't really keen to complain either way. Even for the many ways the Day of Devotion was its own unique holiday in Erin's eyes, there were a few things that seem commonplace even across different worlds, from the flower arrangements and emphasis on roses in particular, to heart-shaped candies that made her nostalgic for her world's counterparts of much of the same.

So with such in mind, she reflexively answered "Kinda!"

"Is that so?" In the moment, Camilla trusted the boys well enough to let them be, especially when all three had it in them to worry and fuss over the other no matter what. While she had Erin held in her embrace, she knew she was far from one to talk either, but it kept her relaxed when the summoner didn't pull away or protest it.

"But we call it ‘Valentine's Day’ for us. It was also more about couples being all lovey-dovey than remembrance and wishes like all this."

At first, Erin tried to be thoughtful in her descriptions, especially while she had an audience in Camilla. 

"Unless you're single. Then it tends to be just another day with a bit more drinking."

But then she sighed and couldn't help but be just a little cynical at the reminder of how she'd usually spend the holidays prior to her arrival into Askr. Now was different, and she was good-humored because of it, but she felt Camilla kiss the top of her head following a frustrated sigh.

“Hmph… Well, we can’t have that for you this time, now can we? Now, we have to do something special.”

“Having all of you around already does more than enough for that.” 

Erin shrugged, and her tone was still so casual as if merely teasing. Even so, even when she spoke like it was nothing, she left Camilla even more resolved of her point, but flustered of how lax Erin was of it.

The summoner looked up. As if sensing Camilla’s doubts, she reached up to peck the Nohrian princess’s chin, trying to prove herself to her.

“But, really… I mean it. This is more than special enough, Cam.”

“As modest as you’re trying to be, dear, surely there’s more that could be done…”

“If you got plans, I’d be curious to see them.”

“Hmhm~ Fine then. Challenge accepted. If you’ll excuse me…”

With her mind made up, Camilla disengaged and left Erin alone. She didn’t have to ask to know exactly where she went or what she planned, and it was well enough for the two.

Erin didn’t follow her, however. She'd find out those plans in due time, and while she took her own sweet time to get motivated enough to act, she had her own surprises in mind, too.

But for now, she moved closer to the edge of a balcony. She had less pleasant thoughts to sweep away first before she could consider what treats to get or where.

Being up this high, it made her nostalgic of her time before falling into Askr… literally, as was the case. She meant what she said to Camilla, and yet Erin was never certain she had properly conveyed how much so in those times. 

What she left behind in her old life was a road paved with decent intentions but painful memories. She knew how excited the Order of Heroes were at the opportunity to visit her world - and she admittedly fostered much of that interest in what she kept bringing back from her visits back from there - but she could only ground herself long enough for brief visits. It was because of her that Alfonse and Sharena didn't think to open a gate outright to her world and left the connection small and private with Breidablik, but she felt some level of guilt they were so thoughtful to her when they were far from the first to find out why. It was Ryoma who had the determination and stubbornness to try to press just enough for that missing context first.

Or, well… Another version of her, rather. Erin still was rather clumsy sorting the memories of the Erin of his and Lif's past compared to her own. But then again, perhaps it also wasn't as big a deal as her jumbled mind thought. They all found out eventually, especially when Ryoma's and Lif's nerves were metaphorical pins and needles of anxiety back then.

Her fingertips gently brushed along the surface of the balcony's railings. There were calmer times to be had after that - like now, for instance - but every so often, Erin couldn't help but think of what could've been. It was a dark cloud looming over her especially in times she was already stressed.

She had already had her mind made up before Askr suddenly opened a new way for her. Back then, she had already climbed over a balcony much like this one. She had very little thought after she took a step forward and released her grip of the bars behind her. 

If Anna had been even a few seconds late, so much could've been different... 

And yet, instead of that being her end, it was a new chapter to her life. She fell onto Anna, freaked the everloving crap out of her, met Sharena and Alfonse, and the rest was history. 

And to think, such a close call happened this way multiple times before… That stroke of luck saved her, and in another Askr, it saved an Erin of a different time, too. Just enough to meet Ryoma and Lif. If that wasn't fate at work, she didn't know what else to call it.

She shook her head. It was a festival of love in her world, and a festival of memories and miracles in this one, right? As fitting as it was, she didn't want to dwell solely on the darker sides to it, no matter how fitting.

She tried to look lower down over the balcony's rails, trying to find any excuse she could to distract herself. She perked when she saw Alfonse and Sharena down below, walking toward the plaza where the stalls were. Without thinking, she leaned even more over the railing to get a better look. Their arms were linked, not with each other, but with their dates for the festival. They were dressed for the occasion much like she was, but Sharena was in a fancy, regal dress more along the styles Camilla hoped would've been the kind of dress Erin could've worn. They were in happier spirits, especially with how warm and fondly Alfonse looked up to Bruno, or the ways Sharena tried to inspire subtle yet warm looks similarly in her girlfriends.

She was so focused on them that she didn't realize she had company until a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and gently pulled her away from the railings of the balcony.

"I wasn't gonna do anything like that." She groaned, but her tone was playful, if half-hearted. She knew better than to take that kind of memory too lightly.

"I can't help but be sure all the same." Even if he hadn't revealed himself, Erin already knew from his strength and grip that it was Ryoma. He also knew Erin's boundaries well enough when she eased like always to his grip, and he gently rested his head on one of her shoulders mid-hold, all with little else but a flustered sigh in return.

"Hey. To my credit, I didn't try anything like that again for awhile." But Ryoma still remained with his hold, not entirely convinced of it. Whether it was because he truly distrusted her, or for his own peace of mind's sake of his anxieties, he didn't make it any easier to tell where his distrust was coming from.

Although she made a decent counterargument with the way she shifted just enough go kiss his cheek.

"Besides, I don't quite have as much reason to. Not like before." 

Even with his worries, he couldn't help but smile.

"Anyway, have you seen Lif anywhere? Or Camilla?" Cam's also plotting something, too."

"I've been here for a while."

As much as Erin tried to keep her cool, having her in his arms like this helped him feel the very subtle signs of her surprise in the way she flinched at Lif's voice. Ryoma knew ahead of time from his senses that he was near, but Erin was much less keen about her surroundings when she wasn't in a battle-ready mood.

Loosening his grip on Erin just a little, Ryoma straightened himself up and looked toward Lif. Erin initially looked up to him before following his lead of where to look. She perked in seeing the subtle tells of something invisible moving around, but eventually, Lif exposed himself outright, having used his power to obscure himself up to then. 

"You too?!"

"I couldn't help but be sure." Lif spoke with just about the same tone as Ryoma had, too. Except it was even harder to tell if Lif was lightly teasing her or not, especially as he was even worse than Ryoma to hide his actual worries.

"Both of you suck!" She was exasperated, even when she couldn't entirely fault them for their feelings.

As Lif moved closer, he was easily embraced by the two of them, and he couldn't help but heavily soften his demeanor when he was met with a kiss on either cheek. Not even the sight of his counterpart in this world could dampen it, and to Alfonse, he paid even less mind the further he and Ryoma led Erin away from the balcony altogether. It was obvious enough in getting the point across, but subtle in ways Erin would be hard pressed to protest.

"Hmph~ So if you two are here, I guess that leaves Hrid for Cam to look for… As if I need both of you to prove how little you can trust me alone out here…" And protest she did anyways, even if her push was halfhearted as to be almost teasing. Again, she couldn't quite blame the sentiment, only the lack of trust in her. 

"It isn't entirely _you_ we don't trust." Lif was gentle, but even in _trying_ to tease, he couldn't muster it. To express pure joy or humor was something he was still picking up the pieces of, and it was something he and Alfonse were rather clumsy with in the first place. Where Ryoma gave Erin space in embracing both of them, Lif gently reached over to cup Erin's cheek, brushing his thumb against her skin. "I lost all of you once before… Ryoma and I lost _you_ before... No matter our trust in you that you're in better spirits, and with a better head on your shoulders, it is more that we can't quite trust ourselves. Not just yet…"

With thoughts as raw as that, Erin could only sigh while looking straight to Lif. She focused on the way he still seemed so much like he _wanted_ to be happier than he was, yet it was so heavily muted in his insecurities and doubts. Come to think of it, he was like this for practically the whole festival up to then. 

"Let us have this much, Erin." Lif disengaged just as Ryoma loomed over the swordsman and the summoner. He shared Lif's sentiments exactly, even if he had a little more ease to show his joys than he had. "Give us just a little longer to heal and to trust ourselves again. But know we're both proud of how far you came, too."

He knew it was still a long way to go on that. He couldn't blame Lif in the slightest, especially when he suffered shades of it himself. He embraced both of them in either arms and kissed the top of their heads, causing Lif to lower his hand off Erin's face mid-grab. 

Even if he would've been a hypocrite, no matter how long it took, he wanted to do all he could to heal Lif as well of his own insecurities and fears.

"Now then. Let's go find Camilla and Hrid. Shall we?"

"Yeah, yeah- _hey! I can walk just fine, thanks! Is this necessary?!"_

"It helps out our nerves."

"Uuuuugh! You both can’t just keep using that for everything!"

But he also wasn't one to pass up on taking advantage of their strength and size difference either. With very little effort on his part, Ryoma swept Erin off her feet and carried her in his arms. With her small frame, he carried her with relative ease, secured in the knowledge he had her safely with him while he moved onward. She didn't quite buy into this being about her health or his peace of mind, but beyond her words, she didn't fight it. In fact, to Lif's own amusement, she enjoyed it more than she was proud to let on. He followed Ryoma's lead.

* * *

"Ah, Lif… Am I intruding?"

"Hm? No. Of course no-... What is that in your hands…?"

Out of reflex, Hrid's hand moved a little. He _wanted_ to hide a piece of parchment he held, but Lif already saw it, and Lif knew as well as Hrid had that the display wasn't entirely by accident. He was so tense of it that he briefly gripped it just a bit too tight, and the paper crinkled in its center.

"Ah, it's a letter. For all of you, that is… With what Camilla said was traditional even in Erin's world, I thought it would be appropriate, but…"

And it was. Right then, everyone had the same idea, and they all parted ways once the festivities passed to get last minute arrangements ready for a more private hangout together, all as Camilla planned. Some were more prepared than others in gifts of other sorts, but everyone - including Lif right then - focused more on letters upon realizing they, flowers and candies seem to transcend worlds as traditional for this.

What drew Lif's attention more was why then did Hrid stop to approach him about it? And why did he seem so insecure while doing it? 

"But…?"

"It's… It's such a silly matter, I'm sure. But do you have any advice of how to best convey words on paper? I feel like that perhaps I may not be doing enough…"

"It doesn't need to be too complicated…" Which was rich, coming from him, especially back when he used to be Alfonse. Way back when he could vaguely appreciate the Day of Devotion with Erin, his feelings and self-esteem were roughly the same as Hrid. 

Except unlike Hrid, Lif had a lifetime to mess up. A lot. 

"Mn. Fair point, but I worry I do not convey my feelings well enough even for the words I say, much less the words I could write. It had always been a rather unfortunate weakness of mine compared to my sisters. The way Gunnthra in particular could express herself so readily was like poetry. And yet… my own words have the grace of an avalanche…"

Lif snorted before he could stop himself. He immediately regretted it when Hrid gave a look of concern that only served to demonstrate his raw insecurities. He remembered having roughly similar feelings when it came to friendship, let alone love, and Sharena continued to surpass him.

"I remember Sharena used to tell me to write without stopping. Just write without thinking of the words until after. There's always room to improve and clean it afterwards."

"That's a fair point… and also one that is so very easy to neglect." Which made him even more flustered at the realization, but there was a much stronger sense of relief for the clarity all the same. "Very well, I'll take that advice much closer to heart this time. Thank you, Lif."

"I'm looking forward to your letter, Hrid. I'm sure you'll do well."

And with that, the two parted ways again. Their focus returned to their own letters.

Maybe what intimidated Hrid the most was that the difficulty wasn't in finding the right words. The difficulty was finding the best way to convey his feelings without dropping an entire scroll each on his lovers. The difficulty was feeling like he deserved even one of them in the first place, let alone _all_ of them.

The disgraced prince of Nifl… The one who failed his own kingdom and nearly lost his whole family because he was neither strong nor skilled enough to protect them all. And as he rather unfortunately found out, in another time Ryoma and Lif braved through, and he and Erin learned of, he would've indeed lost Gunnthra and Fjorm. 

Even the manner Erin found out… Gunnthra meant well, but while Erin could regain the memories of that past, it came at such a terrible cost to her mental health. Particularly re-experiencing the more painful memories anew, like her own death. He had better clarity in his dreams now with the connection he now shared with her with the Rite of Dreams, but he was grimly reminded it used to be a connection Gunnthra bore. No matter how much everyone else felt it best for Hrid to take such a bond from Gunnthra, given the circumstance, was it really? Or would it just cause _him_ to hurt Erin instead…?

He glanced at the parchment he had. Lif made a great point. Had he tried to filter his words as they came, he wouldn't have been left with what seemed like half a letter's worth to work with… although perhaps he could make his feelings less visceral before giving this particular letter to Erin. 

But with a sigh, he tried to remind himself of Lif's advice again before continuing on. He knew he had to go over it again to make it sound less like a regret or mark of shame to be connected to Erin, or to expect to be pitied and validated by all of them for his failings, but there was a time for that much later on. He had happier thoughts he wanted to pour on paper, too.

It was because of them that he continued on his path in life. All of them. Just when he felt like he lost everything, and when he reached a point a dark, deep part of him in the back of his mind contemplated saving Surtr the trouble, it was them who reached out to him and saved him. They were why Gunnthra and Fjorm continued to live, and were what spared them of their needless, cruel deaths that awaited them in another time. They were what spared Laegjarn a similarly cruel fate and gave Nifl and Muspell better hope to restore their alliance that Surtr narrowly missed destroying irreparably. 

They were his reasons for living. They were his reasons to fight for. They had their own unique charms and quirks and different approaches, but they made their way into his tattered, battle-scarred, burned heart all the same. They were like the soothing warmth of the morning sun to contrast the bitter chill of the night. They were as complex yet beautiful like delicate snowflakes despite carrying the force and ferocity of a snowstorm, especially as a united front. They were like… like…

He paused. He realized he nearly ran out of room in his parchment.

But as Hrid continued onward in truly taking Lif's advice to heart (if perhaps too well), Lif was far from one to talk either. However, he had a much more grim approach even compared to Hrid briefly reminiscing of his own failings.

It couldn't be erased no matter how well Askr's royalty, The Order of Heroes, or his lovers took well to him. As one of two cohorts of the dead, he sold himself out and committed atrocities, be it intended or followed through. Even as he was free from the shackles of Hel's grasp, he still considered the catalyst as little else but a fluke, and his resulting dragon form and his adopted, unique quirks to follow served as a constant reminder of what he used to be, even when he regained a human form to revert to now. 

He couldn't erase his failures, not just to Askr, but to the Order of Heroes and all of the heroes who put their trust and faith in him. He couldn't dismiss the loss of people like Sharena or Erin or all the people he held dear no matter how much their counterparts here forgave him. Even Ryoma, with how much he could unfortunately sympathize with him… He was grateful for this Ryoma loving him enough to brave two lifetimes for them to reconcile, but Lif was grimly reminded how much distrust and venom he harbored for him initially for the loss of another Ryoma who came before him. And even then, what he thought was that Ryoma abandoning him was instead a far more grim truth instead, in a time that Ryoma's Nohr didn't treat him as kindly as this one's…

He tensed so much that he very nearly snapped the quill in his fingers. Fortunately, he relaxed quickly enough to catch himself before then. He sighed, and as if to warn him of his impending transformation of his lower face if he kept up too much of his mood, his breath already came out as a chilled, visible blue mist.

Even with their personal forgiveness, he could never really forgive _himself_ for what he did. He doubted he ever would, no matter the effort. It remained why he still couldn't even bring himself to take up his past name again.

But… There were so many other words left unsaid. There were other feelings he still had, even when he had to unearth it from a thick bed of guilt and shame.

He killed needlessly, he knew and realized now. Even with Hel's promise, he realized how much it was all in vain, now that his thoughts weren't so clouded with desperation and grief. (Or… perhaps something else, as Erin suggested once…) He killed one world, and nearly tried to bring the end of another one. They were all facts he could neither forget, nor be forgiven for.

But even when Erin took the use of contracts so lightly, save for extreme circumstances, Lif wrote his letter as if making his own contract of sort between his lovers, and not just Erin, the one he so heavily hurt most.

He would learn to love them yet again, with the same reckless abandon he held so long ago and nearly forgot in his jaded, scorned heart. He won't forget his cruelties, but he would just as heavily remind himself of when to be kind. For what harm he promised under Hel, he would vow to his new promise to them he would heal. Even if he could never undo the pain and suffering he caused, and he could never forget his crimes, he vowed he would just as stubbornly refuse to forget his new vow to heal the world he once so readily tried to hurt.

...And then it dawned on him that he might need more parchment.

* * *

It was eventually time to show their hands, as it were. Letters were the most common theme, and for the words they conveyed, they invoked the strongest reactions among all of them. However, among the insecure, there were other gifts on the side, some that were just as heartfelt like crafts of other sorts, and others were snacks and drinks as a backup plan for when their original gifts failed them. (Which, none did.)

With Ryoma's and Camilla's, their letters varied between romantic, to invoking many a flushed cheek while they waxed poetically if not suggestively. With Erin's, she was the least confident of the five with her weak self-esteem of writing something profound and deep to four lords she was but a lowly peasant beside, (or so she felt,) and so she was the one who coupled her letters most with things from drawings she worked on for weeks of the four, to boxes of candies and bottles of champagne she smuggled from her world. She only calmed when she got a few laughs and slight tears in her rather… _interesting_ way with words.

With Hrid and Lif, even in times the two tried to proofread and cut down on their own works, for what remained of their thoughts, it was enough to drive out a variety of emotions from subtle to profound of their still-raw feelings. It nearly made both of them worry of spoiling the mood altogether, were it not for both of them getting equally strong hugs and kisses each to snap them out of their anxiety-ridden uncertainties from before.

Bottles ran dry, boxes of candies were emptied, clothes were sloppily ruffled, opened, or straight up thrown across the room otherwise, and there were all manner of moods shared from grief, joy, nostalgia, hope, playfulness… until eventually, there were only two left who had the tolerance not to end the night crashing.

"Hmhmhm~ They're so precious and silly…"

Camilla watched fondly as one couch was so thoroughly occupied. Hrid dozed off completely with rather unfortunately loud snoring to give himself away that he was out for the rest of the night. He was accustomed with the strong chilled bundle in one arm as Lif lazily snuggled up to him, wrapped under one of his arms. In his other arm, Erin was tucked up beside his breasts and Lif's side. The contrast between Hrid's immense body heat versus Lif being more than chilled to greedily steal warmth from either lovers was enough for Erin to shiver, yet stubbornly stay huddled in place. Eventually, Camilla took enough pity on the three to grab a thick blanket and tuck the three in, planting a gentle kiss on each of their heads before settling beside Ryoma. She saw the way the two snuggled up more against Hrid, but Erin finally settled down in full.

"Heh… They _are_ almost like kids…" Which he found to be cute of them, but also made him feel old with the fussing. His and Camilla's younger siblings were one thing, but he couldn't quite adjust as easily as Camilla could to act so fatherly over what was supposed to be their lovers.

"Hmhm~ You're overthinking it again, dear…"

She had a point, loathed as he was to admit it. 

But with a swig of champagne, his initial good-humored smile turned warmer, yet bittersweet.

"...Thank you again for this, Camilla…"

"Hm? ...Oh, stop it." She sighed, but it was exaggerated in her playful teasing. It didn't help there was some genuine frustration in it. "Again with this?"

"I know every time I ask or bring it up, you say you were fine. I know too that I've brought this up more times than either of us care to recount."

"Hmph… So if you know, why this again? My feelings have only grown better of it, and yet you still doubt them...Why?"

He sighed. She was right of this, too. And yet the truth was as uncomfortable as the subject at hand.

"...It isn't _you_ where my distrust lies, but in myself. I know what I asked you then was highly unfair of you. To share my love and grief for losing Erin when you were my betrothed, it was kind of you to listen to my feelings without judgement in the first place… For you to then grant me a promise to reunite with her if our worlds ever linked again was a promise I have still never forgotten the weight of, let alone when you opened your heart further still to what we have now… There is nothing I feel I could do to return even a fraction of the favor you've given me for that, and there were times I still worry I was hurting you in acting on that promise…"

Even in letters, he expressed his love for all four of his lovers well enough, and he was glad his words of love and affection could resonate with them like he hoped. But right here, he still had feelings of guilt over Camilla in particular. It all seemingly worked out in the end, but was that really so? He never felt like he could really be sure…

Even looking at Camilla, he noticed her smile wasn't quite as strong amidst her worries for the samurai, but his anxieties painted a different picture. In his eyes, she slipped the cracks of her mask to expose the pain he suspected was there all along.

"...But does this make _you_ happy?"

So he was left disarmed when she took a different approach in her line of questioning.

"More than I could express in words…" He couldn't help himself to admit as much. But then why did her smile strengthen just then?

"Then it makes me happy, too."

Surely not. She was just telling him what he wanted to hear. He was suspicious of her kiss to his cheek and the gentle one-armed hug, but even in his suspicions, he had to admit it seemed genuine enough to doubt the 'act'.

"I meant what I said back then. If Garon and Sumeragi could do it, what would it matter if we did something like this, too? Back then, I could see why you loved Erin so much, and in finally meeting her, I've since made my own reasons to love her just as much… It's the same with Lif and Hrid as well. I do not need to pretend to empathize and care for them. That love I feel for them is genuine. They're our treasures in ways beyond what either of us felt in protecting our siblings."

He slowly let his guard down. As much as Camilla was an undeniable flirt sometimes and a viper in the cornfields of war otherwise, _this_ was the facet to her that he was still glad to see of her. The empathetic side Corrin trusted her so much for. He had similar mature, emotional discussions with the others in their own times as well, but given the way Camilla tried to ease one of his bigger fears with her in particular, he was glad she knew how to reach out to him through it.

Maybe she saw how much he relaxed, because once she was assured of it, she took a more playful, teasing tone once again, right up to tapping the tip of his nose with her finger.

"Besides, when I said I always wanted a big family, it doesn't have to be _just_ lots of kids."

"Ahaa…. y-yes, I- *ahem* I remember that… Perhaps _that_ subject is better when we're all awake and sober again…"

"Heehee, _now_ you've learned to lighten up again. I'm relieved~"

It was a long night, but far from a boring one...


End file.
